Venus In Fur San Francisco

I had a wonderful opportunity to see a production with ACT, (American Contemporary Theater), recently of Venus in Fur, and adaptation to the novella written by Sachor Von Masoch whose name is the origin of Masochism. If you are not familiar with the book, (he woos his Wanda, a beautiful, wealthy, young woman and “transforms” her into his cruel venus then leaves her in the end), which begs the question of who is master, who is slave, no worries! This production spells it out with a contemporary edge that is delightfully cunning, yet not overly clever. I was fixated for all 90 minutes. Brilliant!

And right now, ACT is offering a special promo for kinksters and curious ones. Here it is:

A.C.T. presents the acclaimed new comedy, Venus in Fur at the Geary Theater. When a young actress auditions for a new play based on the classic novel about sexual domination, the rehearsal room explodes into a playful, witty, and erotic game of cat and mouse between her and a gifted young director. Hailed by theNew York Times as “90 minutes of good, kinky fun” you can save up to 50% off tickets to select performances through April 3. To save, order online at and use promo-code dominance when ordering. All tickets / discounts subject to availability. Tickets must be ordered by March 28.

Enjoy the Show!

Sexuality: How to Encapsulate it in a Few Minutes!

This snappy video encapsulates Gender and Sexuality Studies in one small piece. I kinda love this guy. I keep finding his videos even though I’m not sure exactly who he is. Do you? In any case, he hit the nail on the head for me when he said this “So a biological female can be a man who only has sex with women despite the fact that he’s attracted to both men and women and kind of feels more comfortable in feminine gender roles. That may not be the most common combination of these factors, but it’s certainly not weird.”

Right on. It almost describes me in fact!

Watch this VIDEO to hear all about it.


New Year Explorations, January 2014

Hello and Happy New Year Dear Sensual Explorers!

Well, it’s that time of year when people start thinking about New Year’s resolutions and all the new ways of being that they are going to embrace. If you know me, you know that I am not a firm believer in so called resolutions. I feel that setting oneself up for potential failure can actually be potentially detrimental to personal growth. I wonder why we don’t espouse RadicalSelf-Acceptance or Being Here Now as our yearly mantras. That is not to say that one need not be introspective and open to change, but that it’s a balance between loving who we are and leaning into change.

Being aligned with one’s core values and setting goals to achieve those values can be a great way of evolving into the human we so wish to be from the inside out.  So, if you value adventure, then setting goals to improve your sexual explorations is one way to help you achieve that goal. Of course you know me, the education Queen, so I say a great way to improve sexual interloping is to take classes on a variety of topics around sex and sexuality.

Speaking of which, the next Erotic Dominance Intensive is coming up January 24th-26th and space is limited. Setting a resolution to become the next outstanding professional female dominant in a year is a tough call, but achieving your goal to tremendously improve your professional skills is quite possible in the weekend Intensive. Not only will you learn new practical skills and improve on old, you will also learn to connect more deeply with your partners and clientele, creating and solidifying relationships. Further, you will find camaraderie amongst your peers in an intimate educational setting with myself and Cleo DuBois, having more than 40 years experience between us. For further information, please go to the SM-ARTS website for more information or to apply.

Looking ahead, I will be presenting “A Touch of Kink: Bondassage, Kinky Erotic Massage Tips and Tricks for Lovers” on February 4th at the SF Citadel…just in time for that gooey love bucket holiday.

Until then, in love and kink,


Ah, Chastity!

Ah Chastity!

Controlling one’s mind is a particular pleasure for me, but I also value controlling the body as well. Of course being in charge of both can be a particularly challenging, albeit rewarding, conquest. Read more

Forget Porn Addiction, Let’s Talk About Connection: Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s “Don Jon”

I saw a movie tonight that I thought might be interesting because it is written and directed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (the youngest from the 90s sit com Third Rock From the Sun about a “gaggle”? of aliens landed on Earth), whose work I have admired since that wacky sit com was on the air. But this is neither a discussion of Gordon-Levitt nor a movie review. What I want to address is what I think this movie is capable of doing. I think that the potentiality of “Don Jon” to provoke heart felt and interesting conversation between, (primarily straight mainstream younger), couples is quite profound. Read more

October News and Events

Hello My Dear Erotic Explorers!

October and November are going to be INTENSE. So instead of bludgeoning you with details, (we’ll do that another way, shall we?), let me give you a synopsis of items to add to your calendar:

 book_cover  Thurs Oct 10th A Touch of Kink: Bondassage Good Vibrations, Polk St

o-word Fri Oct 11th Podcast with Anya de Montigney and Madison Young

Mon Oct 14th Urban Tantra Good Vibrations Polk st

Wed Oct 16th Art Panel Discussion/Performance on Art and Sex. My topic: Psychic Waste Management

Mon Oct 21st Dr Dick Podcast

Tues Oct 22nd Erotic Role Play at The Armory and

(Sat and Sun Oct 26th and 27th Bondassage Workshop Private Class)

Besides a foot party, classes and a podcast in NOVEMBER, please save the date for the FIRST Erotic Dominance Intensive for Women over 45 years old!
Cleo and I are bursting with pride over this amazing workshop designed specifically to suit the needs of the mature female Dominant. Please fwd the info widely. Only 3 spaces left!

Sat/Sun Nov 9th and 10th Erotic Dominance Intensive

Keep exploring your love and lust for a more deeply connected life!

Until next time…

In Love and Kink,


How to negotiate a scene by KL Joy

Hey folks! My name is KL Joy, and I’m going to write a little today about how to negotiate a scene with a potential play partner. Now, I’m not talking about relationships; I’m talking about that first sexy time you see someone in a club and want to get some of their style going on. Ultimately the word negotiation means to communicate openly and clearly what you want and don’t want out of a scene.

Read more

Help and Change: Let Me Help You Change?

As a professional coach who has worked with hundreds of people over the years, one question keeps recurring: “How could I ever tell my (current/future), partner of my desires? S/he would never understand.” I see and understand the dilemma. Societally, we simply do not talk about sex the way we might food, clothing, or reading preferences, so it’s not so easy to say, Read more

Consent and Fantasy: Ruminations on Amanda Berry et al

What started as a Facebook post  now has become a full fledged entry for me as I continue the dialogue around the horrors of what happened with those young women in Cleveland. I have been ruminating for days. Honestly, I am still speechless. I want to flee from my own profession in order not to be associated with such horror. I feel weak and ineffectual. Read more

Power Dynamics in BDSM/Kink Relationships

An often overlooked and misunderstood topic, this essay gives a thoughtful nudge to look a bit more closely at BDSM and Kink Relationships.