BDSM and Kink education blog by Mistress Eve Minax

What is Chastity?

ONLINE: Lock and Load: From Tie and Tease to Chastity Please NOTE: This will be an online class via Zoom. Zoom information will be sent to all participants one hour before the event.

Tease and Denial is truly delightful for all involved. Advanced techniques for controlling orgasms can have a remarkable impact when sexually training your slave. Come learn how to take your tease and denial to the next level. We will discuss solo play, forced orgasms, and ways of taking what is normally pleasurable and making it painful. Chastity training is central to any regimen of orgasm control, so we will discuss general considerations, remote vs 24/7 live in, specific devices, psychology, monitoring, and chastity games. And what would chastity be without those wonderful accompaniments: ruined orgasms, prostate milking, multiple orgasms and extreme teasing? Of course Keyholding and reward/punishment will also be discussed. Find out how to keep the plumbing in order while still keeping your slave denied and on the edge of their seat. This class encourages Dom/mes/subs of all genders and experience levels.

PRESENTER:

Eve is a veteran BDSM educator, author and pro dominant who extols the power of healing through BDSM with humor and care. Dubbed the “Approachable Pervert” by her peers, Minax delights in sharing kinky carnal knowledge and training all who crave deep insight into the arts of erotic domination and submission. Minax cultivated a BDSM repertoire in France, Australia and the United States. She has sat on the boards of CARAS and TASHRA, honed her pedagogical skills at a vast array of conferences, and served as coordinator for both CineKink: Chicago and the Leather Archives & Museum Road Show. In 2002 Minax was named Lead Staff Instructor at the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts in San Francisco, where she continues to teach today. She is also a certified Urban Tantrika and Bondassage practitioner and trainer. Minax has self-produced over 100 videos, also shooting for well known bondage sites like BondageLand and SeriousBondage.

Fet: @minax
Twitter: @eveminax
Instagram: @eveminax

Book a class: eveminax.com
Book a session: linktr.ee/eveminax

TICKETING:

$15 – $35. Advance tickets required through Brown Paper Tickets.

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4592580

ACCESS:

This will be a live, online class offered through Zoom. To participate, you will need to download the free, basic version of the Zoom app before the class! This class will not be recorded and is not available for later viewing.

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4592580

Can BDSM Help a Relationship?

Can BDSM help a relationship? I’d like to think so. Whether the relationship is new and you’re exploring or it’s mature and you are searching for new ways of connecting, there is a HUGE spectrum of choice for everyone. If you’re like me, variety is the spice of life. I liken it to soup- some people have a consommé daily, some people mix it up a bit with clam chowder Fridays, or some people have a different soup each day. It’s all up to you, and your partner(s) of course!

In a word, BDSM can help you know yourself better and if you know yourself well, you’ll be a better partner; and with better partnering comes great joy. I’ve been writing and teaching about kink, BDSM, healing, personal growth, and relationships for twenty some years. Fact? The reason I am still so passionate about this work is because I am a sucker for personal growth and development. There are an infinite number of reasons why and how BDSM can help you and your relationship. Listen to this interview or ask me directly. I’m here to help.

Here’s a wonderful interview with Shameless Sex Podcast. I hope you find it useful and as always, I value your thoughts and questions!

I’m Here For You

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What Does a Dominatrix Look Like?

A lot of people are talking about the Netflix show about a young Dominatrix. So far, I’d say it’s the equivalent of a waitress putting herself through school being called a professional restaurateur. She’s no pro, perhaps she will become one. We’ll see. In the meantime, here’s a little revision on a piece I wrote back in 2010 on the beauty and diversity of the Dominatrix.

 

Bear in mind, most Dominatrices use the pronoun “she” no matter the gender identity and some of use have been using Masculine pronouns in scenes for years…more on that later.

 

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” 

Guillaume Apollinaire

One of my Sisyphean challenges in life is to demystify the myth of the Dominatrix – to fill out the missing gaps and one-dimensional characteristics that permeate our culture. The unique histories of Dominatrices inform their brave work and pioneering spirit. If you could look closely, (where are the stats anyway?), you would see an illustrious array of talent, skills, philosophies, and courage.

 

Like many other professionals I know, I too, have a unique history. Raised urban poor, in my family I went on to obtain the first High School degree, and eventually a Master’s degree. Literary and theatrical studies combined with extensive pedagogical experience continue to inform my work as a BDSM lecturer, educator, and writer. Years before I would begin to fully understand my own leanings towards Female Domination and BDSM practices, I wrote my graduate thesis on “Subversive Practices in Feminist Performance Art”. Further, like many of my colleagues, I may not fit the stereotype of the Hollywood-produced leather cat suit clad man-eating vixen, but I have practiced the art of Domination with intention and commitment for many years.

 

The media stereotype of the Dominatrix is rather one-dimensional. The infiltration of SM culture into mainstream society leans primarily towards the fetishistic and aesthetic aspects of BDSM culture, avoiding any deeper underlying issues to the person and her work. In “real” life, Dominatrices are generally stunning; though not always mainstream beauties. We often stand out in a crowd because we tend to be individualistic, living life to the fullest and more often than not standing out as a leader – the one to take control in any number of ways. 

 

I’d love to see more research done that would illuminate the complexity of a profession that has been misrepresented and misunderstood by sociaty. Like within most professions, a spectrum of representation exists, eg, not all lawyers are bad and not all police officers are good. The Dominatrix also has many layers to her persona, and I have been pondering the many variations exist for some time. 

 

Here is a partial list of some of the different types of Dominatrices, with basic names that I came up with off the top of my head, many of which can overlap with each other, and others that never mix.
 
The Domestic Disciplinarian: Could be your Aunty or Woman next door, until she puts you over her knee.
The Medical Specialist: Plays Doctor or Nurse to perfection.
The Rubber Mistress: Has all the rubber clothes and gear you could possible imagine.
The Goddess: Demands worship.
The Fetishist: Fetish is her motivator.
The Bondage Mistress/Top: Loves rope and knows how to use it.
The Whip Mistress: Whip wielding from single tail to cat o’ nine.
The Predator: Hunts you down and take you down.
The Philosopher: Keeps you in line with her words and ethics.
The Classic: Domestic Disciplinarian, Whip Wielder, Bondage Expert and more! The General Practitioner, (also with specialties) of Dominatrices.
The Good Girl Gone Bad: Looks angelic or like the girl next door.
The Seductress: Casts her spell to entice you.
The Counselor/Guide: Takes you where you need to go. 
The Emasculator: Wants your balls, you don’t need them.

 

Of course, this list is not exhaustive and as I began noting all the variations I realized that not only are there so many types, but that many of us embody any number of Strong Female Authoritarian Archetypes within our Dominatrix Personas which we invoke when appropriate to the scene: Queen, Priestess, Warrior, and Mother to name a few. Just because a Dominatrix self-presents in one archetypal role does not mean she cannot employ another type when necessary however, the Bondage Mistress can care for her bound subject in a very Maternal or Motherly way and once the Predator has captured her prey, she can employ the Goddess to finalize her objectives. Conversely, it would be quite useless for the Whip Mistress to whip the Domestic Discipline client as a Medical Specialist while wearing a black rubber cat suit. Not only do the genres not go together, but the Domestic Discipline aficionado’s needs will not be met and no catharsis would ensue leaving the session flat and ineffectual. 

 

I have often said that Dominatrices are Psychic Waste Managers, encouraging people to excavate parts of themselves that society deeply discourages: the primal sexual selves. If the libido is not allowed to emerge in a positive creative way, it can be destructive. I also say that the sacred and lascivious are flip sides of the same coin. Knowing who you are as a Dominatrix and how to go about employing different aspects of your self in the work helps achieve therapeutic results with your clientele. There is an old adage to the profession, we may not be therapists, but the work is therapeutic. Knowing oneself in Domination is particularly crucial because of the nature of psycho-sexual work. Libidinal drives inform our every movement, hence the work itself elicits the question of what drives us sexually. Personally, although I love whipping, I do not consider myself a whip Mistress. When I see my esteemed Whip Mistress colleagues doing the dance of fire and precision, I am truly humbled by their abilities. Would I desire to be them? Yes, but honestly, I must honor my primary arousal in order to be a better Dominant. I suppose I am an Archeologist of BDSM. I love exploring and excavating psycho-sexual terrain, and the whips and other accoutrements are simply tools that help me unearth buried artifacts.

 

In examining difference, we must also examine similarity. We Dominatrices all have sadistic streaks, or at the very least enjoy giving pleasure – and if a masochist seeks pain for their pleasure, we are happy to accommodate. We also, ideally, have hard skills in Domination, be they rope rigging, electro-play, or whip wielding.  Often motivated by deep fetishistic desires, we all care about our clientele in a professional fashion. Dominatrices have many similarities but perhaps only one commonality: whatever the archetype or role that we play, we need to push our subjects and ourselves a little deeper into the dark so that we all may extend our psychosexual travels a little further, returning each time with a bit more knowledge and a lot more savvy. 
 
For more information about how to become a Dominatrix or Bondassage Practitoner, email me

Five Sexy Kinky Gift Ideas!

Who doesn’t love a sexy gift? Whatever the reason, be it holiday, birthday, or just because, sexy gifts can bring laughter, joy, pleasure, intimacy, knowledge and power. And what’s more sexy than power? Ideas!

People often ask me what my favorite sexy gifts are,-  and I have many many options at my disposal. As I was pulling together my kinky gift list for a friend this year, I realized it has become much more comprehensive over time From a range of prices to areas of interest, (within sexy), there are lost of options. Keep this list handy, feel free to share. I trust you’ll find the appropriate gift for your loved one(s).

Oh, and by the way, some of these links will pay me back, so you’ll be gifting me as well!

1. Gift Books and Games

Sex Cards

It is possible to talk about sex the way foodies talk about food, with great detail and delight? Anyone can learn to be more comfortable on this terrain, it just takes practice. Part of the mission for these cards is to provide a fun way to talk about sex, not only between lovers, but between friends and groups of friends too. We are sexual beings all the time, whether or not we have a partner(s) at any given time. Have fun and be curious!

https://www.sexquestioncards.com/?fbclid=IwAR23gz1H9DncBK6CueDDwjBoLWFAjdpAFcgD6ocrRPtIz-hd-z9-B6-vr0s

 

Bondassage Book

Jaeleen Bennis created this sexy sequence for lovers and I helped her write the book. In it you’ll learn basic massage and bondage techniques, with tons of information on sensory play. There are lots of practice exercises also!

2. Gift Toys

Injoyus

My favorite strap-on “less” toy. So comfy! You attach one of the insertables in you and the more dildo shaped piece acts for the receiver’s pleasure. In a word, once in place, the wearer/giver can squat, walk, lie, even dance and the Injoyus will not fall out. Honestly, having mutual sexual pleasure with your partner from the inside out is quite like nothing else available to us on earth, only fantasies! https://newlovecreations.com/

I love mine so much I’ve named her Francis. Yep, our relationship is that special, and if you would like to own one go HERE and be sure to put in EVE1 for 10% off.  It’s 100 per cent fully refundable too. Here’s to a world where the Injoyus becomes a widely used pleasure device within the expansive world of sex and exploration!

For a more in depth review, go here…

 

If you want to create a combo pleasure gift of two pieces, here are two of my favorites:

The Betty Dodson Vaginal Barbell combined with the Hitachi Magic Wand https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/GV13516/magic-wand/magic-wand-rechargeable are the BEST!

Although the barbell says “vaginal”, it actually works amazingly well on the prostate and anally for women also. Easy to clean, sterilizable, lasts for life, it’s worth every cent and then some too.
Pair it with the Hitachi Magic Wand for buzz, buzz and you’re set for life for around $200!

OR if you are maybe a bit more greedy, my absolute favorite girthy and lengthy toy is the

Eleven  made by N’Joy Toys

Eleven inches long and weighing over just over 2lbs….you’ll feel it and it doubles as a workout toy!

https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/p/1-3-BF-0801/njoy/eleven-stainless-steel-dildo-?lref=Srch|njoy%2Beleven|a|1|c|0|-relevance|search_page|0

My other favorite insertable The Ass Hammer is just as versatile as the Eleven, but oh, so much lighter in weight. Once in, it stays in beautifully!

https://www.mr-s-leather.com/ass-hammer-large-stainless-steel/?acc=eveminax

3. Choose Your Own Gift! Perhaps my suggestions are not quite what you’re looking for? Then go to one of these sites for your pleasure…gift cards available also:)

toys, toys, and lingerie!

Good Vibrations  http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml?kbid=214489

Gears, Toys, Latex, more…

Stockroom http://www.stockroom.com/home.aspx?ref=1885813

Gears, Toys, Furniture, more…

Mr S https://www.mr-s-leather.com/?acc=eveminax

 

4. Porn Gifts

Maybe a little streaming time for you and/or your partner?

I’ve been making my own videos for years, Mistress Minax FemDomme porn delights!

http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/15436

Or you may not know I did a great series with Pink and White Productions?

http://www.pinklabel.tv/on-demand/studio/point-of-contact-minax/?affiliate=2452008

Perhaps rubber and crossdressing works for you? Works for me! I love the shoots I’ve done with Alice In Bondageland.  You will too!

http://www.aliceinbondageland.com/?ref=2461044

5. Educational Gifts

Streaming:

Education you say? Learn from Me and Many Many Others anytime anywhere!

Kink Academy

http://refer.ccbill.com/cgi-bin/clicks.cgi?CA=942299-0000&PA=2460509&HTML=http://www.kinkacademy.com/

Study with Me Live in the Flesh!

One on one for Dominatrix Training

http://www.eveminax.com/dominatrix-training/

Bondassage Training

http://www.eveminax.com/bondassage-training/ Training

Group Study

Want to Become a More Confident Skillful Dominant? Or Maybe You and/or Your Partner Want More Depth to Their Dominance? Erotic Dominance Intensive with Me and Cléo Dubois, sixteen years and counting. Next one in February but selling out. Enroll now!

  http://www.sm-arts.com

Whatever your propensities, any of the above are sure to please. I hope these options have opened your mind and piqued your  curiosity!

 

Want To Learn To Be A Dominatrix?

I love teaching, especially the up and coming Dominatrix. Whether you come from such fields of sex works as Full Body Sensual Massage, Bondage Modeling, Exotic Dancing/Stripping, Escort, GFE, you get the value of the work.

Do you need to deepen and expand your skills, (energy, corporal, client relations, etc), gain more camaraderie, (peers and like minded colleagues from all over the world), & develop better business practices (legalities, business licensing, marketing) etc?

Read more

Peg Your Heart Out and Feel it Too!

Walking into the lobby of Catalystcon West 2014, I wondered what my purpose was being there. Sure, I had a panel wherein we would discuss the complications around private vs public in the sex lives of industry people, but surely there was more. Within a half an hour of being in the lobby, I was introduced to the Injoyus, an incredible harnessless pegging device. As a 20 plus year player of strap on, pegging, harness and dildo play, I had never found an “ultimate solution”.
Read more

How Have Sexual Fetishes Changed Over Time?

I was recently asked this question and here’s the synopsis of my take…happy to have your input!

First of all, it is important to establish what one means by “fetish”. Originally, 17c, a fetish/fetiche was an amulet or charm that bore the wearer some form of luck, or at least warded off evil spirits. At the turn of the 20th c and the advent of psychology, notably Freud, fetish, as sexual fetish, became known as an object required to create sexual gratification, ie, shoe, boot, fur, etc. Around the same time, Sado-Masochism also evolved as a term (based on the writings of the Marquis de Sade and Sacher Von Masoch), defined as sexual gratification through corporal punishment (flogging, spanking, etc) or erotic humiliation, (embarrassment, objectification, degradation). As of late, say the past 15 to 20 years, the term fetish is most often used as a “turn on”. Such as, “I have a spanking fetish”, or “I have a rubber fetish”. The current speaker rarely requires the object or activity to achieve orgasm, but does find it more pleasurable with said piece.
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San Francisco Dominatrix

No Pain, No Gain? Understanding Erotic and Non-Erotic Pain

Today I went to see my Physical Therapist for a Rotator Cuff injury rehab session. After we spent some time getting acquainted and starting the exercises, he asked me “what are your thoughts on pain?” and well, you know me, I just had to respond with, “oh, I have LOTS of thoughts on pain! First I think there’s a strong mind body connection and that pain can teach us lot about how we accept extreme sensation. I think that certain types of extreme sensation, aka pain, [notice how I started schooling the PT on my lingo?], can announce danger but also teach us how to relax around the sensation to accept the circumstance. I personally notice that as a strong self sufficient woman who starting working at the age of 14 and does not have a well resourced family or partner to fall back on, I start to feel urgency and impatience around healing as I psychologically fear I will never be able to work again, make money, or take care of myself. It’s brutal and self defeating, and yet it’s part of the process of “sitting with the pain”. I have so much more to say, oh wait, I’m sorry, is that too much?” He paused for a moment, concentrating on stretching my wrist, and then looked at me and smiled saying, “um, most people just say how they don’t like pain. Clearly you’ve thought about this”.   Read more

bdsm sexuality educator

Fairy Tales Can Come True

This piece was written a couple of years ago, and I have had the fortune to continue this work. So grateful. May it bring you a piece of hope and enlightenment.

 

Fairy Tales Can Come True!

Imagine you have a secret, a secret of a sexual nature….it might not be a “big” secret. Perhaps you share it with a few close friends, maybe you’ve even facebooked or tweeted about it, or simply alluded to it in your posts. Maybe you have only shared it with your partner, who, quite frankly doesn’t want to hear about it any more, if they ever did. Maybe you keep the secret to yourself, but you fantasize about it and any chance you get you look for it, on the web, or live.

What might that secret be?
What might it look like?
Read more

kinky and poly book reviews

Five Books for Kink/Poly Beginners

I was just responding to a follow up email from a wonderful couple who started working with me last week and I wanted to give them a few options on reading material for their newfound kink and potential polyamory. It seemed logical to share them with you also!

These five have ranked in my “go to” and return to books that discuss kink and/or polyamory.

~Come Hither

Brame

~Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns

Devon and Miller

~The Ethical Slut

Easton and Hardy

~ Consensual Sadomasochism

Henkin and Holiday

~Opening Up

Taormino

Although I LOVE all of them,  I would certainly appreciate having additional options for POC, People with Different Abilities, Senior/Mature sex especially in regards to Kink/BDSM.

What are your thoughts?

In Love and Kink,

Eve

Addendum: many folks have pointed out to me that The Bondassage book, written by me and Jaeleen Bennis is a great beginner tool to take it from sensual to kinky, and that I am remiss in not mentioning it. Call it my Midwest modesty, but it seemed to forward to put it in, apologies!