I was just responding to a follow up email from a wonderful couple who started working with me last week and I wanted to give them a few options on reading material for their newfound kink and potential polyamory. It seemed logical to share them with you also!
These five have ranked in my “go to” and return to books that discuss kink and/or polyamory.
Devon and Miller
Easton and Hardy
Henkin and Holiday
Although I LOVE all of them, I would certainly appreciate having additional options for POC, People with Different Abilities, Senior/Mature sex especially in regards to Kink/BDSM.
What are your thoughts?
In Love and Kink,
Addendum: many folks have pointed out to me that The Bondassage book, written by me and Jaeleen Bennis is a great beginner tool to take it from sensual to kinky, and that I am remiss in not mentioning it. Call it my Midwest modesty, but it seemed to forward to put it in, apologies!
For over a week I’ve been trying to form the words to simply announce news that gets stuck in my mind and heart whirling around, fighting, dancing, as if to mock my typical facileness with articulacy and my “fetish” for information sharing. It started with me thinking.., I should tell them, all my loved ones, the ones that even if they don’t know me, they know this part of me, to, oh, and the ones who do know me, and maybe even know more….they all will want to know and I must be the one to tell them. Why? Because knowledge is power, not just the “I’m the Queen” kind, but the kind that helps you make decisions around asking triggering questions either privately or publicly, the kind of power that can help you educate yourself ahead of time should a similar situation arise in your world, the kind of power that can cause you to make hard decisions. Whatever that power does to or for you, it’s your right to have it and my duty to share it.
Last week, Samson, my dear beloved Prince, the “love of my life”, My Little Man, my protector, and my heart passed gently in my arms and into another world. We created a beautiful altar with all his favorite things and pictures of loved ones, human and canine, here and gone, (primarily images pre camera phones 2005) laid upon it. I had deep, diverse, and loving support from a few dear ones and we talked and cried long into the night.
At first it was as if I were in a dream. I knew it had happened, but didn’t want to believe it, yet oddly enough, I was terrified to go outside. Anyone could see me without him and ask. It was too obvious, him not being at my side. Then I agreed to go out slowly, only where it was not expected to have my beloved Samson in tow, in fact, only where he was not known. I started making it out, telling dear friends slowly, baby steps. Trying not to make the “big” announcement, to save myself the torrent of condolences that would only validate the truth of his passing. In other words, I have been in mourning and grieving and trying to let you all know my reality. And so, in the course of my baby steps, the announcement is made.
Perhaps there’s something in it you can empathize with. Whether it be pet, parent, or loved one of any sort, the loss is immeasurable. I’ve lost both parents, two siblings, two best friends, several dear ones, and Samson is my first animal companion. The devastation still strikes me. So, as a coach, teacher, one who embraces and encourages change, I can honestly say that is where my meditation today, in those lessons that will surely pour forth, (as some have already started), the more the grieving wanes, an energy will always push ahead a bit more, and loving energy is the one I wrap my arms around and weep into every day. And it will continue to be so for some time. May all of you and all of your loved ones and even those who feel they do not deserve love, feel the depth of the love from within.
sending out that love to you now,
ps: sometimes I just cannot be funny, isn’t that hilarious?
pps: the title of this piece is stolen directly from Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson
Confession: I love well done, thoughtful astrology. At its worst it’s amusing, at its best, it can offer a beacon of hope, a shred of humanity, a thoughtful pause. One of my favorite astrologers, Rob Brezsny hit that proverbial nail on the head for me today. Here’s his input for this week:
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): *Querencia* is a Spanish word with many
nuances. At its simplest, it refers to your favorite spot, a place where you
long to be. But its meaning can go even deeper. *Querencia* may be a
sanctuary where you feel safe and authentic, or a situation that enables
you to draw on extra reserves of strength and courage. It’s a special kind
of home: an empowering shelter that makes you feel that you belong in
this world and love your life. Can you guess where I’m going with this
message, Gemini? These days you need to be in your *querencia* even
more than usual. If you don’t have one, or if you don’t know where yours
is, formulate a fierce intention to locate it.
As my dear friend and colleague Barbara Carrellas says, “we always teach what we need to learn the most”…guess what I was particularly stressing to mine and Cleo’s intensive students this weekend? Yep, you got it…how important it is to find your “safe/happy/nurturing” space quickly and easily. And guess what I’ve been doing for 36 hours? Yep, that’s right, working on it. I had never heard the word *Querencia* before, but it really spells it out doesn’t it? Brilliant!
Dear Gorgeous Erotic Explorers!
I’m writing you a quickie missive, (hey, quickies are really needed sometimes, aren’t they just?), to let you know two things you may not know: Read more
Walking into the lobby of Catalystcon West 2014, I wondered what my purpose was being there. Sure, I had a panel wherein we would discuss the complications around private vs public in the sex lives of industry people, but surely there was more. Within a half an hour of being in the lobby, I was introduced to the Injoyus, an incredible harnessless pegging device. As a 20 plus year player of strap on, pegging, harness and dildo play, I had never found an “ultimate solution”.
Sure, there are many terrific and not so terrific possibilities out there, and they all largely require what is commonly known as a harness. Without going into details about the pros and cons of harness wearing, just imagine this: your tits are perky or you wear a bra, your teeth are straight or you must wear braces…the reality is most female id’ed or non-potruding bodies of any gender don’t have the additional equipment to encourage “hands free” penetration. The harness holds the dildo/phallus/toy in place for comfort and ease. But it digs into your flesh, requires certain body sizes, and oftentimes is simply cumbersome.
Oh yes, there are now several options for “harnessless” strap on and pegging devices, and in my experience, and many others I know, they are simply not up to snuff. They won’t stay in, they flop about, one end is wrong for the receiver of that end, or they’re made of a really crappy material with chemicals.
Bring on the Injoyus! Designed and built by a Physician’s Assistant who took four plus years to painstakingly modify the device, it now stands, as far as I know, as the ONLY two way insertable (harness less strap on), that not only gives the receiver much pleasure, the wearer too can attain incredible orgasmic release and also have the added bonus of feeling what it’s like to actually have another pleasure appendage.
Here’s how it works: the wearer/giver places into their vagina/pussy/hole between the ass and the urethra a round, medical silicone grade insertable piece, that acts as the stay in piece, or “locking device” if you will. I’ll call it the base. It sits against the pelvis, for some of us, like a joey in its mother’s pouch
So comfy! Then, you can attach one of the insertables, the more dildo shaped piece, for the receiver’s pleasure. In a word, once in place, the wearer/giver can squat, walk, lie, even dance and the Injoyus will not fall out. Honestly, having mutual sexual pleasure with your partner from the inside out is quite like nothing else available to us on earth, only fantasies!
Sure, there are a couple of down sides, the Injoyus base, currently does not “fit” every body. The good news is, they back their products 100%. You can return it if it does not fit! Who ever heard of that?
Also, there are currently, no color options for the base, (and they chose a creamy color), but the attachments come in pink, purple, and black, (see the image).
I enjoyed my time at CatalystCon, and I particularly “Injoyed” the Injoyus, and I have ever since. I love “her” so much I’ve named her Francis. Yep, our relationship is that special, and if you would like to own one go HERE and be sure to put in EVE1 for 10% off. Here’s to a world where the Injoyus becomes a widely used pleasure device within the expansive world of sex and exploration!
In preparing for my presentation today“If I Knew Then What I Know Now:
50 Things Every Up and Coming Professional Should Know!” at DomConLA, I realized I have an INCREDIBLE amount of information and resources I have been compiling over the years! As it continued to grow, I realized some links were down and there are many more resources out there. So for now, I am going to compile this as a blog post and I ask for your help in making it more comprehensive. Also, although this compilation is primarily Professional related, I also want to create a more comprehensive directory for everyone. So, please read through, find some new ways of educating yourself around BDSM and Kink, and be sure to comment with more possibilities, (queers, furries, chastity folk etc – you know who you are!!!).
Professional Dominant and BDSM/Kink Education
In Person Live Training:
Me! I offer in person, long distance, individual and group classes
Annual Professional Dominant Intensives/Erotic Dominance Intensive for Men and Women
Cleo Dubois Academy of SM-Arts
Rope Dojo and Forte Femme
Conferences all over the US, but the “go to” for Professionals is DomCon LA and Atlanta
A few other favorite conferences, not necessarily for the professional:
A wonderful small gathering on the East Coast Camp Crucible
Portland Kinksters seem to “get it” KinkFest
One of the most revered of all BDSM conferences Thunder in the Mountains
Stellar conferences and classes all over the US Dark Odyssey
Online Training and Education
Professional Dominants Community Resources
Professional Dominants Marketing Resources
Legal Resources and Activism
Recommended Reading List
“How to” Books
The Bottoming Book or How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People. Easton, Dossie & Lizst, Catherine A. Greenery Press, San Francisco, CA 1995
The Bride Wore Black Leather … and he looked fabulous: an etiquette guide for the rest of us. Campbell, Andrew. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2000.
A Charm School for Sissy Maids. Lorelei, Mistress. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2001
Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. Brame, Gloria G, Fireside, New York, NY 2000
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It & How to Do It Safely, Henkin, William A. & Holiday, Sybil. Daedalus, San Francisco, CA 1996
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities. Easton, Dossie & Liszt, Catherine A., Greenery Press, San Francisco, CA 1997, reissue 2013
Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex: Make Over Your Love Life with One of the World’s Great Sex Experts. Sprinkle, Annie. Tarcher/Penguin, New York, NY 2005
Family Jewels: a guide to male genital play and torture. Haberman, Hardy. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2001
Flogging. Bean, Joseph W, Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2000
Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play. Strict, M. R, Greenery Press, Oakland, CA 2004
Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook. Wiseman, Jay. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2000
Juice: Electricity for Pleasure and Pain. ‘Uncle Abdul’. Greenery Press, San Francisco, CA 1998
KinkyCrafts: 99 Do-It-Yourself S/M Toys for the Kinky Handyperson. Green, Lady ed. with Easton, James. Greenery Press, San Francisco, CA 1998
The Knot Book. Budworth, Geoffrey. Sterling, New York, NY 1985
Leather and Latex Care. Thibault, Kelly J. Daedulus, San Francisco, CA 1996
Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player. Bean, Joseph W. Daedalus, San Francisco, CA 1994
Look Into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life. Masters, Peter. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2001
On The Safe Edge: A Manual for SM Play. Jacques, Trevor. WholeSM Publishing, Toronto 1993
Safe, Sane, Consensual and Fun. Warren, John. Diversified Services, Brighton, MA 1995
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: the Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism. Miller, Philip & Devon, Molly. Mystic Rose Books, Fairfield, CT 1999
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Midori. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2001
The Topping Book or Getting Good at Being Bad. Easton, Dossie & Lizst, Catherine A, Greenery Press, San Francisco, CA 1995
The Toybag Guide to:
Canes and Caning. Hardy, Janet W.
Clips and Clamps. Rinella, Jack
Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies. Wiseman, Jay
Foot and Shoe Worship. Midori
Hot Wax and Temperature Play Spectrum
Greenery Press, Oakland, CA 2004
Trust: The Handbook, A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing. Herrman, Bert. Alamo Square Press, San Francisco CA 1991
Training with Miss Abernathy: a workbook for erotic slaves and their owners. Abernathy, Christina. Greenery Press, Oakland, CA 1998
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Taormino, Tristan. Cleis Press, San Francisco, CA 1998
Whips and Whipmaking. Morgan, David W. Cornell Maritime Press, Centreville, Maryland 1972, 2004
Woof! Perspectives Into the Erotic Care & Training of the Human Dog. Daniels, Michael. A Boner Book, The Nazca Plains Corporation, Las Vegas, NV 2003
Bizarre Sex and Other Crimes of Passion. Tal, Stan ed. Masquerade Books, New York, NY 1998
A Defense of Masochism. Phillips, Anita. Faber and Faber, London, UK 1998
Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex. Gates, Katharine. Juno Books, New York, NY 2000
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission. Brame, Gloria G. & William D. & Jacobs, Jon. Villard, New York, NY 1993
Dominatrix: A Memoir, The Making of Mistress Chloe. Mansfield, Claire & Mendelssohn, John. Headline, London, UK 2002
The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment. Morin, Jack. HarperCollins, New York, NY 1996
Erotic Power: An Exploration of Dominance and Submission. Scott, Gini Graham, Citadel Press, Toronto, Ontario 1998
Masochism: Coldness and Cruelty, Venus in Furs. Deleuze Gilles & Sacher-Masoch, Leopold von. Zone Books, New York, NY 1991
Pain and Passion: A Psychoanalyst Explores the World of S&M. Stoller, Robert. Plenum Press, New York, NY 1991
Private Theatre: Personal Observations and Revelations of a Dominatrix. Mistress J. Domina Books, Kew Victoria, Australia 2002
Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture. Queen, Carol. Cleis Press, Pittsburgh, PA 1997
Sex Tips and Tales from Women Who Dare: Exploring the Exotic Erotic. Baker, Jo-Anne. Hunter House, Alameda, CA 2001
‘You Beat People Up For a Living, Don’t You, Mummy?”: Inside The World of the Dominatrix. Turner, Roy ed. Absolute Elsewhere, Brighton, UK 2001
SM/Sex, and Spirituality
Ancient Lovemaking Secrets: The Journey Toward Immortality. McNeil, James W. L9H Publications 1998
From Sex to Superconsciousness. Osho. Full Circle, New Delhi, India 2003
The Love Cure: Therapy Erotic and Sexual. Haule, John Ryan. Spring Publications, Woodstock, CT 1996
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: How Any Man Can Experience Multiple Orgasms and Dramatically Enhance His Sexual Relationship. Chia, Mantak & Abrams, Douglas. HarperCollins, San Francisco, CA 1996
Radical Ecstasy. Easton, Dossie & Hardy, Janet W. Greenery Press, Oakland, CA 2004
Sexual Reflexology: Activating the Taoist Points of Love. Chia, Mantak & Wei, William U. Destiny Books, Rochester, VT 2003
Tantric Yoga: The Royal Path to Raising Kundalini Power. Frost, Gavin and Yvonne. Samuel Weiser, York Beach, ME1989
Gender and Sexuality
Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out. Hutchins, Loraine & Kaahumanu, Lani ed. Alyson Publications, Boston, MA 1991
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and The Rest of Us. Bornstein, Kate. First Vintage Books, New York, NY 1994
Genderqueer: Voices from Beyond the Sexual Binary. Nestle, Joan, & Howell, Clare & Wilchins, Riki eds. Alyson Publications, Los Angeles, CA 2002
The Lazy Crossdresser. Anders, Charles. Greenery Press, Emeryville, CA 2002
Miss Vera’s Cross-Dress for Success. Vera, Veronica. Random House, Toronto 2002
Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls. Vera, Veronica. Doubleday Main Street Books, New York, NY 1997
Susie Sexperts Lesbian Sex World. Bright, Susie. Cleis Press, San Francisco, CA 1994
Hello My Lovely Erotic Explorers,
We just finished an incredible weekend bonding with an amazing group of eight women all perfecting their skills and savvy in Erotic Dominance. Gaining more creativity, pleasure, and spontaneity in play brings more confidence!
Our next Intensive is for male tops and switches and occurs in June. For more information, check the SM-Arts website.
The Lair is up and running and becoming more functional and beautiful all the time. I recently acquired a Venus for Men and I still have my Black Magic XL
In synch with each other, I call it the Decimator! Ask me about it:)
DomCon Guest of Honor
Los Angeles May 13th-17th: I’m excited this year to be a Guest of Honor at DomconLA . I have not been in five years and will be presenting an industry only panel. It will be a great joy to see colleagues and clients of course. Looking very much forward to this!
May 18th-30th Memphis, Tennessee Just after DomCon, I am flying out to Memphis to take a lead role in a forthcoming film by Madsen Minax called Kairos Dirt. Although I will be quite concentrated on my performance, I may have special time available for teaching and training. Ask!
And of course, those of you who know me well, know I’ve been looking forward to my fiftieth birthday for years now. It’s June 20th. I am planning on something special each month for the year. Some fresh ideas are: taxidermy class, tap dance lessons, sailing, and trips to France, Bali, and Mexico! If you’d like to ameliorate my well being and incite my vast imagination, I encourage you to donate some energy or services. Contact me for more information on how you can make my 50th birthday special.
Presents are lovely, but the gift of your being is also a treasure. Consider booking a session in SanFrancisco.
In love and kink,
LOTS of people ask me what my favorite sex toys are, (including the ever wonderful Good Vibrations – and I have many many options at my disposal! But if you want to slim it down to two pieces under 200 bucks, here’s my deal:
Although the barbell says “vaginal”, it actually works amazingly well on the prostate and anally for women also. Easy to clean, sterilizable, lasts for life, it’s worth every cent and then some too.
Pair it with the Hitachi Magic Wand and you’re set for life for under $200!
My two cents:)
Stephen Elliott Should be Seen and Heard – Part 1
Eve Minax interviews Stephen Elliott in a way that no one else can. Rather than simply talking about Elliott’s writing and kink, Minax leads us on an exploration of his desires and fantasies. Elliott’s fascination with kink is well known, but this interview presents for the first time the genuine nurturing and loving aspects of his particular brand of kink. Stephen Elliott is the author of seven books, including the just-released The Adderall Diaries: A Memoir of Moods, Masochism, and Murder , for which he is currently on a book tour. His writing has been featured in Esquire, The New York Times, GQ, Best American Non-Required Reading 2005 and 2007, Best American Erotica, Best Sex Writing 2006, and here on CarnalNation. He was a Wallace Stegner Fellow at Stanford University and is a member of the San Francisco Writer’s Grotto. He is the Editor-in-Chief of The Rumpus.
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Propensity + Experience = Wisdom
The Power of knowing oneself is to understand the depth of humanity in all its darkness and all its light.
I am a talented and caring “Psychic Waste Manager”. I take all your old matter that has been weighing you down and clean it up for you, recycling it into a bright and shiny newness, allowing you to return to the mundane world with more pep in your step and vim in your vigor!
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