Can BDSM Help a Relationship?

Can BDSM help a relationship? I’d like to think so. Whether the relationship is new and you’re exploring or it’s mature and you are searching for new ways of connecting, there is a HUGE spectrum of choice for everyone. If you’re like me, variety is the spice of life. I liken it to soup- some people have a consommé daily, some people mix it up a bit with clam chowder Fridays, or some people have a different soup each day. It’s all up to you, and your partner(s) of course!

In a word, BDSM can help you know yourself better and if you know yourself well, you’ll be a better partner; and with better partnering comes great joy. I’ve been writing and teaching about kink, BDSM, healing, personal growth, and relationships for twenty some years. Fact? The reason I am still so passionate about this work is because I am a sucker for personal growth and development. There are an infinite number of reasons why and how BDSM can help you and your relationship. Listen to this interview or ask me directly. I’m here to help.

Here’s a wonderful interview with Shameless Sex Podcast. I hope you find it useful and as always, I value your thoughts and questions!

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kinky and poly book reviews

Five Books for Kink/Poly Beginners

I was just responding to a follow up email from a wonderful couple who started working with me last week and I wanted to give them a few options on reading material for their newfound kink and potential polyamory. It seemed logical to share them with you also!

These five have ranked in my “go to” and return to books that discuss kink and/or polyamory.

~Come Hither


~Screw The Roses, Send Me the Thorns

Devon and Miller

~The Ethical Slut

Easton and Hardy

~ Consensual Sadomasochism

Henkin and Holiday

~Opening Up


Although I LOVE all of them,  I would certainly appreciate having additional options for POC, People with Different Abilities, Senior/Mature sex especially in regards to Kink/BDSM.

What are your thoughts?

In Love and Kink,


Addendum: many folks have pointed out to me that The Bondassage book, written by me and Jaeleen Bennis is a great beginner tool to take it from sensual to kinky, and that I am remiss in not mentioning it. Call it my Midwest modesty, but it seemed to forward to put it in, apologies!